My brother goes to Truman and this was his teachers “rule guide” It’s actually pretty ammusing.
HOW TO FAIL MR. WOODFORDS CLASS
A guide for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed.
Hello. So you want to fail Mr. Woodford’s class? It can be done! Just follow the simple directions below, and you’ll be scraping the bottom of the barrel grade-wise in no time:
(1) BE LATE. Yes, that’s right - late. Or hey, here’s an idea- don’t come at all. If you are not in your seat when the bell begins to ring, you’ll be marked tardy. If you don’t make it through the door by mid-point of the class perioid, you’ll be marked absent. Either way, Class Participation Points (more on these later) will be subtracted from the total points you could earn. By the way, don’t come to class late and then look for a hall pass to go elsewhere. There are no passes for tardy people.
(2) BE UNPREPARED. Simply “forget” to have any of the following with you: a pen or pencil, your book, and any work to be turned in for grading. This is another way to lose Class Participation Points.
Hey kids! Want to really irritate Mr. Woodford? Just ask him for supplies you should have brought to class- preferably when he’s in the middle of doing something else!
(3) GO TO SLEEP, TALK TO PTHERS DURING THE LESSON, OR FAIL TO PAY ATTENTION! Yes, once your head goes down on the desk, or you ask a question he’s already answered, or once he has to ask you again to stop talking while he’s trying to earn your tax dollars, to turn off your I-pod, to put away your cell phone, and those all important Class Participation Points go right down the drain!
(4) HAND IN WORK LATE OR- BETTER YET- DON’T HAND IT IN AT ALL! This is for the pros in the Failure Game: just don’t do the work- or “forget” when it’s due. We have so much to do this trimester that you’ve got to be kidding if you think Mr. Woodford is going to chase after you for assignments. In fact, he’s such a cussed old coot that he won’t even tell you if you’re missing something! That means it’s your responsibility to keep up with the class work.
(5) ABUSE HALL-PASS PRIVILEDGES! Yes- smoke in the bathroom, be where you didn’t say you would be, stop off and talk to a friend in another class- just do anything but go where you told him! Since trust is necessary here, and he’ll do his best to treat you like adults, try to prove to him how mistaken that approach really is!
Another great idea: Lie to the stern old fool! Lie about anything- your homework, where you were on a pass, - or anything! If he finds out, you’ll never get another break from him again.
(6) BRING FOOD TO CLASS! That’s right- just settle in and have a good, hearty meal. Not only does he not want to clean up after you, he’ll take the stuff away! There goes those Class Participation Points!
(7)VIOLATE OTHER RULES- REPEATEDLY, IF POSSIBLE! Don’t stay seated until the dismissal bell rings, bring a hat to class, or really get on the old man’s nerves and bang on his classroom wall. By the way, this last item will earn you an instant punishment (add water and stir).
Simple enough boys and girls? Just by paying attention and following through on the above tips, you, too, can end up in summer school, credit-recovery, or experience the exciting Five-Years-to-Graduation-plan! Good luck!
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Hahahaha! Most amazing guide I have ever read. The list for passing is on the back, but that’s not nearly as entertaining! Just thought I would share. ;)
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealously scans for evidence to prove the point- that others wil be preferred and rewarded more then you. There is only one alternative- self value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe you are loved. You will always think it’s a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealously, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.
